It's the one thing we all truly desire and yet can be the most difficult thing to attain. In fact everything we do is focused upon creating connection, a sense of belonging, everything from how we dress to what we post on social media. But most of us never feel like we belong.
We do our best to try and fit in, to create an identity that seems to match those we wish to connect with, but "fitting in" means we are squeezing our big unique shiny selves into an industrially molded box, something that says, "Here I am, I'm this", whatever "this" is- the perfectly patient stay-at-home mom, the fitness guru, the perpetually positive person, the successful real estate agent.
Here's the problem though.
We are all unique and weird and usually have been broken in some way along the path of our life. We've made mistakes, experienced loss and pain, and at some point faced something we were ashamed to share with others because we didn't want that one thing to color their idea of...
I spoke with an agent recently... She reached out to me because she had been looking for a coach and after talking to several different productivity coaches, she couldn't find the right fit. Yet, immediately after seeing my website, she was so adamant that I was her perfect solution she actually sent me an email with a subject heading "you may be my savior!". She had never spoken to me and yet she was convinced, I was the exact person to help her.
I don't say that to boast or to sell anything but to point out exactly what's going on when an agent is looking for a coach and what makes them light up and think they've found the one.
When an agent seeks a coach, there is a feeling of overwhelm in all parts of their life caused by tension and stress, disorganization and poor time management, and an internal feeling of negativity and self-doubt. There is typically some negative self-talk going on, an assumption of failure, and sometimes even some guilt from thinking they...
So let's say everything in life feels good, like really great... things are totally going your way, deals are happening, business is flowing, your hair looks great, and your energy is through the roof.
Then something happens...
Something that throws all that positive energy you've been exuding right out the window.
Suddenly, everything looks dark and bleak. Hope drains right out of you, you have a hole in the center of your chest that just won't go away, and you honestly can't get yourself moving to do all the things you were so excited about just before.
How do you cope? How do you get your mojo back when life has fallen apart?
The natural tendency is to "fill the void". That big hole in your chest doesn't feel good. You want it to go away as soon as possible. So you try everything else possible: buy things you don't need, eat comfort food, numb yourself with alcohol or worse, and in the event of an abandonment situation- sex with anyone who makes...
You may have seen in my last post about how a traumatic and/or chaotic childhood affects us in our lives. While having a difficult childhood is not something anyone would want and those of us who have been through it would never wish it upon another, there are some incredibly positive results that shine through.
The old phrase, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is certainly true here. When you've been through incredibly hard times, most people's "hard times" sounds like a breeze to you. You've already been through worse, come through it, and are still here. You're a survivor.
When bad things do happen, you're able to quickly recover from negative situations and are often able to recognize them for what they are very quickly, effectively reducing their overall impact. You are also quick and creative with amazing solutions to any problems that head your way.
Because you know what it's like to feel unloved, you...
To understand why productivity coaching is not the solution you need to succeed, you first need to understand why you've sought (or are thinking of seeking) out a coach to begin with.
Typically, we go into real estate thinking that we're going to make lots of money easily. Sure, it'll be a struggle at first... but once we get things rolling, it'll be a breeze. We think we're going to show houses, meet people, have fun, and the money will just flow and money will make us happy and therefore fix all of our problems. Of course we know on a conscious level that money doesn't fix our deep-rooted problems but still, this is the feeling we seem to have anyway.
Once you are actually knee-deep in the business of real estate, you come to the conclusion that money (and leads) are not exactly pouring in the door and the lead generation tactics taught are either very expensive or feel icky and unsavory so either you don't do them consistently or you...
As a Real Estate Coach, one of the biggest, most important issues my agents bring to me is problems in their marriage/romantic relationship. Real Estate, as an industry, has one of the highest rates of divorce. So, knowing that, what do you think are the major causes of divorce in a Real Estate marriage?
Agents are constantly on the go. Often, they don't set boundaries with clients and so have no problem with answering the phone or dropping everything to meet a client, no matter what else they are in the middle of- a romantic dinner out, a memorable family event, their kid's big game, even sex. The agent sees every phone ring as a potential paycheck and yet the partner (and children, friends, etc.) see this as a blatant disregard for everything and everyone who should be more important to the agent than that stranger on the phone. Ironically, it's often the agents who don't set boundaries that are also the ones with inconsistent income and struggle to bring home the money...
The other day, I sent out an email to my LinkedIn connections. This was an email written from my heart about a very difficult time in my life and how that experience motivated and inspired me to make a positive difference in the lives of others. It's the experience that put me on my path to integrative coaching and I felt the email was a powerful one.
I received messages and emails thanking me for writing it and for sending it to them... that reading it had helped them and/or inspired them. But I also received emails from people who said some very negative things... telling me what a miserable person they think me to be, a complainer, a wallower, asking me why I thought they needed to read such garbage.
I'll be honest with you... seeing those negative emails hurt. Yet, I am always reminded that my message is about overcoming pain, trauma, and sadness with hope, courage, and being inspired to keep growing, keep learning, and spreading love as far as one can. Yes, it hurts...
It's two days past Thanksgiving as I sit here at my desk and type this out and I'm feeling especially grateful for the relationship I have with my father. Now, you might read that and think I'm one of those "daddy's girls" who had that perfect protector, that wonderful man who shows you who a man should be, and sets the bar high for the man who will one day become your husband. In my case though... that sentiment could not be further from the truth.
My father never wanted children but finally relented to my mother's incessant begging. I was the first one born to them. One of the earliest memories I have of my father was waking up in the backseat of the neighbor's car, seeing my dad in the front passenger seat and hearing him tell me that he was taking me away from my mother and that we would go back in a week or so to get my little brother. I was 5 and had just been kidnapped in the middle of the night after my mother had filed for divorce.
There was a very nasty custody battle...
You don't want to miss out on our awesome and FREE video training series! Time Management Solved is your personal invitation to ending the stress and chaos inherent in real estate life by learning how to fit everything you HAVE to do and everything you WANT to do into your day. Think... girl's night out, date night, leisure time, quiet time, family time, and still manage to cook, clean, run errands, and do all the business stuff too. Sound good? Well then what are you waiting for?
Chaos, disorganization, always running out of time, over-committing, feeling unbalanced and out of control... Are you ready to BREAK THROUGH that cycle?