The "I Know What To Do But" Mentality


This is literally the most common problem that agents come to me with, "I know what to do... but I'm just not doing it". The thing is, that's not the issue. The issue lies much deeper down and is usually related to something personal.

I know a woman who has a hard time finding good employees and an even harder time keeping them. She is constantly running from one fire to the next, complaining that her staff cannot do anything without her, then she makes excuses as to why she doesn't get anywhere and nothing ever works out the right way but she also constantly brushes off responsibilities and lets important things slide.

Turns out, she has a hard time being in control because she has had many past traumas throughout childhood and early adulthood that made her feel out of control and caused her physical and emotional distress. Her self confidence and self esteem are low and she doesn't want to be the one people look up to because she doesn't feel worthy of that position. She does whatever she needs to make herself look good on the outside to the ones who don't know her but even a scratch beneath the surface reveals a life and business out of control. She makes a lot of promises she doesn't keep and little hiccups get blown out of proportion because every little problem reminds her of her past pain and trauma (on a subconscious level) and that is a feeling that is absolutely horrifying for her, resulting in internal panic.

In order for her to get her life and business together, she needs to heal. She needs to stop creating chaos and start creating quiet calm. She needs to look at what she has in her life versus what she wants in her life and create a plan to build the life she wants. She needs support to let her know that she is on the right track and to help her quickly address problems as they arise. She needs to know that being in control doesn't mean she's a bad person and doesn't mean she's going to lose control of anything or hurt anyone. She has to learn how she creates chaos in her life and how to prevent that in the future.

In working with her, I have to address her personal relationships, her lifestyle, and her diet and self-care activities in addition to her business. We have to work together to create new habits and routines that feel comfortable and peaceful for her. We engage in deep, open, and honest conversation that triggers new mindsets and new ways to perceive situations in her life, both past and present.

As things start to come together for her, she realizes the projects she wanted to complete in her business start to see traction, her relationships improve both at home and at work, and her employees step up and improve their own performance as she becomes the leader they need.

Because she is taking good care of herself and eating well, she feels so much better and has much more energy than she used to. Things are looking up and she has incredible plans for the future, plans she knows will actually come to fruition.

This is Integrative Coaching and while your situation may not be exactly the same, if you find yourself saying, "I know what to do... but I'm just not doing it", it's time to dig deeper and find out why. Together, we can address it and get you to where you want to be.